Thursday, December 10, 2009

Gag Recipes** Funny **

I found theses all over the WWW.. Just thought they were cute!!!!

Reindeer Noses

Red Hots or Red Jelly Beans
I wanted the perfect gift for you, But couldn't decide just what to d0
(exclaimation mark)I almost sent you a dozen roses, but instead
here's a dozen of reindeer noses!
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Snowman Poop

Mini marshmellows
Santa came and went last night Traveling on his worldwide loop
Because you weren't so good this year You get no coal just snowman
poop Round and white so sweet and light Eat some and have good dreams
tonight.
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Grinch Poop

Green M&Ms or Green Jelly Beans
I know you've been bad this year, so listen here's the scoop-- I'm
running short of treats this year, So you get Grinch Poop!
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Turkey Poop

malted milk balls (Whoppers) or chocolate-covered peanuts or
chocolate-covered raisins (or whatever you would like to use)

This poem printed on paper: You invited me to Thanksgiving dinner,
With your family and your friends(period) You didn't tell me I was
the main dish, for me it was "THE END" (exclamation mark) You
frightened me so badly--I knew I had been duped (exclamation mark)
So, I left you with my calling card, this bag of turkey poop!

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Santas Reindeer Poop
Ingredients
Dry Ingredients
3 cups oats (quaker oats)
6 tablespoons cocoa powder
3 1/2 ounces flaked coconut
Liquid Ingredients
1/4 lb butter (not margarine)
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup milk (not skim milk)
1 teaspoon vanilla
Directions
Put all the dry ingredients in a large bowl, stir together well.
In a large pot, bring the liquid to a boil.
Then take off the stove and add 1 teaspoon of vanilla.
Pour the liquid ingredients INTO the DRY ingredients and mix well
until everything is wet.
Use a teaspoon to spoon the cookies onto waxed paper.
Let them cool and they will harden somewhat--that's it!

I woke up with such a scare when I heard Santa call…. "Now dash away,
dash away, dash away all !" I ran to the lawn and in the snowy white
drifts, those nasty reindeer had left "little gifts" I got an old
shovel and started to scoop, neat little piles of "Reindeer Poop" But
to throw them away, seemed such a waste, so I saved them, thinking-
you might like a taste. As I finished my task, which took quite
awhile, Old Santa, passed by and he sheepishly smiled. And I heard
him exclaim as he was in the sky…"Well they're not potty trained, but
at least they can fly." I also add 1/2 cup peanut butter to the
liquid part. Very Fun.
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Snowman Poop Christmas Snack Recipe #149477
SERVES 10 , 9 1/2 cups
1 (20 ounce) package white almond bark or chocolate almond bark
1 (10 ounce) box Cocoa Puffs cereal
3 cups miniature marshmallows
1 (2 ounce) package of crushed walnuts
Melt Almond Bark in SaucePan, Stir frequently to prevent scorching.
Pour entire box of Cereal,the 3 cups of Marshmallows, and Walnuts
into a large bowl.
Pour melted Almond Bark into the bowl, and mix well.
Pour out onto waxed paper and let dry.
ADDICTIVE!
You may also use Chocolate Chips, Coconut,or Butterscotch Chips,
whatever you prefer.

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Christmas Cookies "Gone!"
Give an empty Christmas Paper plate & a Christmas cookie cutter.

Attach this poem:
I made a plate of cookies and ate just one or two and started feeling
guilty because they were for you.
I went into a panic and ordered on the phone, this brand new cookie
cutter so you could make your own
=======================
Christmas Mouse Poop
On Christmas Eve as I was snug in my bed,
Guess what some little "creatures" were doing instead?
Little mice were making their stops
And, of course, they left their teeny-tiny "plops".
On Christmas Morn I did awake,
Oh me, oh my, oh goodness sake!
Those adorable rodents had left such sweet gifts,
So I gathered and packaged them up in a jiff.
And, now, this Christmas I present to you
This little bag of mice "doo-doo"!
Need Ideas for what to use as the "poop"
~Chocolate Sprinkles in a small baggie and add a cute Topper with the
above saying printed on it.
==============================
Washer & Dryer Gag Gift Idea
This Christmas our ship has finally come in
We're feeling so wealthy and rich.
Instead of some small remembrance
This year will be quite a switch.

We're giving a gift of high quality
No more cheap presents for us.
It's time we really went all out
But don't worry, it's really no fuss.

We considered giving you a sports car
Or maybe a tropical cruise ---
But we decided to be more practical
And give something you really could use.

So, open the box and you may be surprised,
To find not only one gift, but TWO ---
We hope you will put your presents to work
It's a WASHER & DRYER, too!
Author Unknown

Gift: Place this poem on a neatly wrapped dishtowel & dishrag set.
This is perfect
with hand knit or hand crocheted Items.
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GingerBread Man Gift Idea aka the Perfect Man
Here's an accompanying Poem to attach to a Gingerbread Man Mix Gift:
Print the following on a cute tag, label or topper:
The Perfect Man
He's quiet, he's sweet,
And if he gives you any trouble,
You can bite his head off!
======================================
Magic Reindeer Food
On Christmas Eve, Sprinkle this magic Reindeer food on your lawn.
The magic glitter sparkling in the moonlight and the smell of oats
will guide Rudolph to your home.

Place 1/8 c. oatmeal
2 tsp glitter in a baggie

Tie with the red ribbon with the above verse and a little bell, curl
the ribbon and Voila, your done. The kids will have a good time
sprinkling this out on the lawn Christmas eve.
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Santa Key
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney and
I was worried as could be
About how you'd bring the
presents to my family and me.
But now I've solved the problem
And I'm not sad anymore,
For hanging from this ribbon
Is the key to our front door.
Hugs + Kisses + Love from me

(Hang a cute tag printed from the computer to an old fashioned
skeleton key *craft shops have them*, with a pretty ribbon.)
===================================
Santa Snot
Place some Green M&M's or Green Tic Tacs in a Baggie
and attach a cute topper with one of the following poems attached:


Some kids are so special
they won't be forgot
others are so horrible
they're getting Santa snot!
So what sort of kid are you
naughty or real nice?
guess if you're reading this
Santa checked his list twice!!
© Sue Pitchfork
Or
It's 'snot' a lot to ask for
So make sure you watch what you do
And always remember your manners
A little please or a thank you

For it could make the difference
When you start to jump about
And open up your stocking
To find that Santa's snot falls out

Remember he is watching
His elves are around a lot
And if you're being naughty
All you'll get is Santa's snot
=====================================
Snowman Poop
Santa looked at his list,
Even checked it twice.
And he has seen that you
have not been very nice.
Since coal's so expensive,
Here's the scoop,
Santa's filling your stocking
with SNOWMAN'S POOP!

(Fill a bag with mini marshmallows, top with poem).
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